Life Is Like A Run On Sentence.

Sometimes, you have to stop and take a breath.

Let me give you the run down here. I have a narcissistic ex husband. If you have ever dealt with a narcissist, you feel my pain. If you have not dealt with a narcissist, I envy you, Lucky!

Narcissists believe that nothing they do is wrong. It is expected that no matter what they say or do, you agree with them. If you do not, YOU are wrong. It isn't just that they think they are right, they really believe they are.

My ex believes that I had control of the time and date of my Aunts death. She died of natural causes, congestive heart failure. I did not murder her, therefore I had no control over the situation. He calls her death a "special event" and tells me that I shouldn't have kept my child for "watching her be cremated." Have you ever had a family member cremated? You don't watch, and you are not present. We knew a time frame (in days) that her cremation would likely happen, but no specific date and time. We had a non traditional "funeral". We had memorial services. Which seems to be what a lot of people choosing what we chose do.

He has went so far as to say, "I can be a dick and tell the judge she isn't really your Aunt." This is my mothers identical twin sister. No denying relation would even mount to an ant hill. I have half of my Aunts DNA. If we were genetically tested, the result would say that my Aunt is my MOTHER. My cousin and I, sisters if you check our DNA. We spent our childhood in the same home. We were raised TOGETHER. So yes, naturally we have a sibling relationship. My ex HATES it. He cannot stand the closeness of my family.

At one point he was successful in isolating me from them. I think being kept from my family took more of a toll on my than the abuse. I hadn't ever been away from them before. In his mind my family was his enemy, and being against the way he was abusing me, they were his enemy. Any time I would sneak in a call, they would try to get me away from him. When he would beat me up, and end up in jail, my cousin would show up and insist I pack my stuff and go with her.

He would threaten to burn their homes down, and to kill them. So I feared not only for myself, but for them. No way was I going to let him harm them too. Now he doesn't have that control. He doesn't know where they live. He knows nothing about any of them.

I filed contempt based on his relocation when he refused to give me an address and refused to make new parenting time arrangements. He gave me an address yesterday, his relocation lands an hour from my home. An hour, one way. I have 2 other children, I live on my own, pay all of my bills myself, pay for the needs of my family myself, all of my family is an hour away the opposite direction so they can't sit with the boys while I travel 2 hours to get my little boy. He lives with another person, paying $200 a month, has no other children. I offered to meet at a town close to me so he doesn't need to come all the way to my house, but the pick up time would need to change to about noon on Saturday.

He refused to agree. He works second shift, so Friday nights are out of the question. He then said hes filing contempt on me because I don't allow him to come late Friday nights to get him. The boys are in bed by 8 PM every night. I don't see fit to wake a child up, disturb their sleep and their schedule. Pick up times are to be in the best interest of the child, that stuff isn't in the child's best interest. The parenting guidelines happens to agree. Then he said he was filing contempt because he tells me to have a 4 year old call him and I can't force him to talk on the phone. I said, yes please do make those complaints to the judge, feel free to file.

The guidelines say that communication by phone is acceptable, without the interference of the other parent. I'm NOT interfering.

Examples of unacceptable interference with communication include a parent refusing to answer a phone or refusing to allow the child or others to answer; a parent recording phone conversations between the other parent and the child; turning off the phone or using a call blocking mechanism or otherwise denying the other parent telephone contact with the child.

I do not interfere, Joshua refuses to answer the phone. I provide a house phone for the kids, there are numbers programmed into the phone. Mom (me), their counselor, Dad (jared) Grandma Julie, Frantz (other grandma), Aunt Bobbie, Uncle Bobbie, Maw Maw (my mom), Alex, and Sisters. Those are numbers they can call any time they want. My 8 year old is really the only one that uses it. Hes the only one that is old enough to enjoy phone communications. The other 2 occasionally will want to use the phone, although it is rare. My little boy has brought me the phone a few times before and said, "I want to call my Grandma Julie!" I open the directory and press call.

For the record, I DO NOT like Julie, at all. I think she is fake, two faced, and just an all around crappy person. I DO NOT have to allow my child to call her, nor do I have to let him see her on my time. However, I am the Mom, and I have to allow my children to have relationships with their family. At his request, he calls her, at his request he spends nights with her on MY TIME. Remember, I have to think in the best interest of my child, not at what makes ME happy.

In the same token, is his relationship with his Dad. Nothing I say here is spoken out loud around my child. His father is about as worthless as a spoon for eating steak. Do I tell him that? NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS. The boys problem with his Dad is personal. Dad says "mean things" about Mom. That makes him angry. and he turns anger into dislike. I can't fix that problem, I didn't make it, and there is nothing for me to do but love my child. Now if Dad chooses to take it to court, then I will put it out on the table.

     2. With A Child Generally. A child and a parent shall be entitled to private communications without interference from the other parent. A child shall never be used by one parent to spy or report on the other. Each parent shall encourage the child to respect and love the other parent. Parents shall at all times avoid speaking negatively about each other in or near the presence of the child, and they shall firmly discourage such conduct by relatives or friends.

I do pretty good with my all of my children. We do not talk badly about ANYONE. My family is the same. We all have children, we want them to respect and love. We were taught these things by our parents, grand parents, aunts, and uncles. My parents were divorced, I remember them being married, I remember their separation, I remember their divorce, and I remember life afterwards. My parents NEVER trash talked, at least not when I was around. I do the same for my child, I demand EVERYONE do the same for my child.

I have two boys with fathers completely absent from their lives. I don't speak of them. The boys will ask questions, and I answer to the best of my abilities. Why doesn't my dad come see me? I'm not sure, but I see you all the time! My 8 year old spies on his father via facebook. How come my dad sees all his other kids but not me? I'm not really sure, but boy is he missing out on a fantastic person!

I don't need parenting guidelines to tell me what I should and shouldn't say to children. I know how fragile a child's psyche is. That my friends is something I went t school for, and I was also raised better than to be a trash talker. Children aren't adults, they shouldn't be placed in adult situations. Even when they are adults, I won't be talking badly about their other parent.

When my Dad passed away, my mom said to me, "I'm so sorry, I always loved your dad, he was a wonderful man." I know my Dad wasn't always a wonderful man. I knew she wasn't being honest. I also knew, that even though my mother lied to my face, I couldn't argue with her. She never spoke badly of my Dad. She could have though, I remember when they were married. They didn't get divorced because everything was wonderful.

My ex husband lives in his own little world. He tries to use the parenting guidelines to his advantage, he bends and twists things until he thinks he can convince me that the guidelines say something they don't. For instance, where he is moving is an HOUR away from my home, but a HALF HOUR from where my family lives, but he says since he is in the county the time and distance doesn't matter. He "won't allow" me to move closer to my family because it's "out of county".

  2. Distance/Cost As Factors. Where the distance between the parents' residences is such that extended driving time is necessary, the parents should agree on a location for the exchange of the child. The cost of transportation should be shared based on consideration of various factors, including the distance involved, the financial resources of the parents, the reason why the distances exist, and the family situation of each parent at that time.

 2. Indiana Law. Indiana law (Ind. Code § 31-17-2.2) requires all individuals who have (or who are seeking) child custody or parenting time, and who intend to relocate their residence to provide notice to an individual who has (or is seeking) child custody, parenting time or grandparent visitation. The notice must be made by registered or certified mail not later than 90 days before the individual intends to move. The relocating party's notice must provide certain specified and detailed information about the move. This information includes: the new address; new phone numbers; the date of the proposed move; a stated reason for the move; a proposed new parenting time schedule; and must include certain statements regarding the rights of the non- relocating party. The notice must also be filed with the Court. The notice is required for all proposed moves by custodial and non custodial parents in all cases when the proposed move involves a change of the primary residence for a period of at least sixty (60) days. This is true even when a person plans to move across the street or across town, and when a party plans on moving across the state or the country, or to another country.

Mind you, he informed me of an address YESTERDAY and he HAS ALREADY MOVED. All I can do is shake my head and for now be glad that between NOW and OUR COURT DATE he has NO VISITATIONS. I feel bad for the judge. Even though he is the one in contempt, for relocation, for the second time in 4 months, I tried to compromise. However, you can't compromise with a narcissist. They aren't capable of it. It has to be what they say, or their answer is NO and YOU ARE WRONG.

Pray for my child. Imagine how terrorized his life is with a father with this disease. My poor little boy will never know what it is like to have a mentally sound and fair minded father.

What kind of abuse victim never fights back? A dead one. I'm alive, and I will never be sorry for that.