What Goes Around Comes Around.

Dealing with the father of my 4 year old is always a nightmare come true. I mentioned in my last post, my Aunt had passed away. What I didn't mention is My Aunt passed away, and her death prevented a visitation, on September 10 I told him then that his visitation may not happen. She died on September 11, and within a few hours, I notified him that she had passed and his visitation would not happen, that was Thursday. Which lead him to begin his nasty barrage of text messages threatening to file contempt, threatening to take custody, telling me my son didn't need to be around a bunch of grieving people (even though the child himself was a grieving person). To all this I told this ignorant ass to remember his family isn't exempt from death.

Today, it came around. Joshua's great great Grandma passed away.

I would absolutely LOVE to throw back in his ugly face all the shit he said to me 3 short weeks ago. Pour salt in the wound, add insult to injury. Show him exactly how it feels to lose someone you love and have another person act like a cold heartless dick. Oh God how I want to. Unfortunately, I was raised with kindness, understanding, compassion, empathy, morals, and GOD, so I know how wrong it would be to do that.

So, here I sit, offering my child to a grieving family, with their broken hearts, and not digging and being a bitch. I'm thinking of great great grandma, how much my son admired her, and how sad it is that he only had 4 short years with such a special woman. I haven't yet told him, I sent him to school. I would like to wait to hand him such a crushing blow. It's so hard knowing that my little boy has to learn at such a young age that death is a normal part of life. My poor baby!

I've spent some time praying, for guidance mostly. It's so difficult being the bigger person, to not kick back after the way my family and I were treated while facing our own loss. I have had literally NO TIME to heal from anything. It's all fresh. My head screams to point out in every way the things that he said and apply it straight to him, but I know how unfair and selfish that would be. Damn self control!

I'll be myself, show compassion even though it wasn't shown to me. I'll show grace and mercy, because NO ONE, no matter how rotten they are, deserves to be treated with anything less. I will set the proper example for my child, I won't cause any undo stress on an already stressful situation. I will keep my own anger aside, and place my best foot forward, although its incredibly hard. I will do it NOT for the undeserving POS fool, but for my precious and innocent little boy, who deserves nothing but a supportive and caring MOM.

May you all have a blessed day and pray for the family. Loss sucks.