As you know, I have this big pain in the butt ex husband. It's hard to deal with him, and as a result, hard to get along with him. We do have a child together though, and that brought me to a cross road which made me had to consider a lot of things.
Recently I realized I was being rather selfish with my child. I was making all these choices for him, and maybe it wasn't exactly my place. I read the parenting guidelines every time I question anything. I follow them to the best of my ability. I know that I am a better parent than my ex husband will ever be, this is a true fact, not a biased opinion. Maybe though, it isn't my job to be an overbearing mother simply because I know my abilities are better. I take these guidelines for parenting and apply them exactly to parenting time.
Here is where I haven't been right. He works second shift, I keep my son on his time while he works, and do not allow him to pick our son up on Fridays, because his schedule has him working until 11PM. Too late. 1 hour before bedtime I say, and our child's bedtime is 8 PM. If he gets off early, and it's after 7, too bad, you wait until 8 AM Saturday morning. I have been doing it wrong. The guidelines do say that, so legally I'm right, but emotionally I have caused a problem between my child and his other parent. This weekend, I put a stop to my own selfishness. Let me tell you about that ....
I got a message from my ex husband on Friday that said he should be getting off around 8, but he'd like to still pick our son up if I was ok with it.
Normally, I would say no, it's too late. However, this time, I stopped myself. Who am I to do this? Doesn't my son deserve to have a full weekend with his other parent? Is him being in bed by 8 PM on a night that isn't a school night, and won't require me to battle an overly tired beast, really that much of an issue? The simple answer is NO. Life doesn't need to run on a perfect schedule all the time So I said, Yes, that would be fine. He sent me a message at 8:45 PM saying he'd just gotten off, was it too late? I didn't hear the beep though, so a short time later he called. I said that I had just sent our son to bed, which was true, I assumed that things didn't go as originally planned and that the exchange would have to happen in the morning. That was kind of true, the plan didn't happen exactly right.
I got my child out of bed, and prepared him to go with his dad for the weekend, My son was ok with it, I was seeing him Saturday evening anyway for a wrestling event, which I will get to later. He decided then that he would come home Saturday. The guidelines say until Sunday, and so I told him that was up to his dad. He's only used to 1 night with his other parent, partly because of dad's schedule, and partly because of my selfishness.
When the ex husband arrived, Washy told him he was coming home tomorrow, and the ex husband said no. Washy had made up his mind though, but I once again reinforced that it was daddy's decision and he would be fine with daddy for 2 nights. They left. I wasn't selfish.
The ex husband had given me some tickets to a wrestling event, as he manages a wrestler, and he felt the boys would enjoy it. It was a kind act, and an act that helped me lose my own selfishness. I figured, I would take my boys to the show, and I would sit with Washy, and it would give him the mommy fix he needed to help him be happy with his dad for the remainder of the weekend. That was my plan.
When I got there Washy informed his dad he was going home with Mommy, he said this multiple times, but each time Daddy said no you are with me until Sunday. I didn't fight and argue, I didn't even think about it, this is time for Daddy and Washy.
An hour and a half into the event, Jay became over stimulated. Sometimes he has a hard time dealing with too many people and too much noise. So it was decided that we would leave the event early. I took Washy, who was demanding I take him home now, to the ex husband, so we could figure out if his mother would sit with Washy or if Washy would sit with Daddy, instead, the ex husband told me that if I wanted, I could take Washy home with me. Of course I snatched that chance up! I love having my son with me, at the same time I realize his Dad loves it too. I'm not sure why he let Washy have his way, maybe he didn't want the fiery fit in public. Maybe he wanted to go to the after party. Maybe he was trying to do the best thing he could and allow a slow transition into longer time.
I have to try to make the relationship between my child and his other parent easier. He will grow up and make up his own mind and create his own feelings for both of us, and I should do my best to make sure those opinions and feelings actually comes from what he learns from experience, not from what I teach him. I do not want to be "that mom."
Even though I hold a high opinion of my parenting standards, I do have room to improve, and for the best interest of my children, I need to do that. No one is perfect, but my hope is that I am so good that my children don't grow up and find huge gaps in areas I could have done better in.
May you all learn to continue growing, Good Night!!
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