The Truth Is ...

We make our own choices and control our own lives.

Today, my day was family focused. I spent some time with my cousin, her husband, my niece and nephew, and my children. We had lasagna, birthday cake, and enjoyed spending time together.

I could have chosen to do many other things instead, but nothing makes me happier than my family. This is the kind of person I am. I think it makes me a better person than I would be otherwise.

Let me tell you the truth about things I'm over dealing with.

People that aren't like me, act as though I live my life to make people think I'm better than them, and then go on to say that I cause oh so many problems.

First of all, I live my life for myself, I do what I do to improve the lives of my children. I strive to show them that they can be happy and normal with only one parent. Is it ideal? No. However, my children are thriving, and that's amazing to me.

I don't concern myself with others. It's not a disregard, if someone needs help, I extend my hand to them. I have many friends because of the type of person I am. Caring, empathetic, and honest. If something is wrong, I try to help make it right.

Now, this said, I have had to make some very hard choices in my life. Choices have been made that hurt the feelings of other people. My brother's drug use made me choose to remove him from my life. My ex husbands violence, drug use, and alcoholism made me choose to remove him from my life. My mothers constant need to criticize me and put me down and blame me for her discomforts caused me to remove myself from her life. These choices initially hurt me, and the other people involved. How do they feel now? I don't know, I don't wish to bring them back, I see no changes from afar. I feel better now though.

Is it a bit harsh to cut people out? Yes. It is. That doesn't mean it wasn't necessary. The fact that cutting those people out gave me relief only proves that it was best for my own life. Do those people act out, become angry and blow up because of my choices? Yes, they have and occasionally still do. I figure, maybe, it's how they will heal from the hole I left.

People aren't replaceable. No matter how much it's denied, Your sibling and your mother are part of you, and you can't get another to replace them. Having your spouse tell you that you don't fit them, and having them file divorce is humiliating, and chances are the receiving party depended greatly on the other person. You know what though? If you constantly mistreat another person, eventually they will get tired, and they will leave you to live your life without them.

I'm mostly fine with my choices, I breathe easier, and my world grows a little larger every day.

There are people who do not like, and do not agree with my choices. That's OK! At the end of every day, my choices don't have anything to do with their lives, m choices have everything to do with my life.

I bet you are thinking "What about your children?" Let me tell you about my children, they are indeed touched by my choices, In the situation of my mother and my brother, well those people were never really involved with my children anyway. Birthdays and holidays, we really don't hear from those two people, and haven't really ever. A few times I tried to set aside the poor treatment of my mother, bringing her to my home for holidays. It literally made the holidays unbearable.

In the situation with the ex husband, there was a larger impact to my children. I, however, had to choose the lesser of the two evils. Time has gone by, and there has been some healing. Most of the healing has been for myself and my children, but the ex seems to be starting to heal as well. I think he finally understands that my choice to divorce him is not something I view as a mistake, and not something I regret at all. I thought about it for a long time before I actually did it, I tried to get him to stop the things he was doing, I tried to avoid it, but the day I filed, I knew it was the only way.

My hope is that he learned something from losing his wife and children. The poor treatment he shelled out every second of the day caused him to live an unstable life. 2 of the children that called him daddy he completely destroyed. In his attempt at revenge and punishing me, he denied the children, killing the relationship he had with them, causing them to see him for who he is rather than what they felt for him. I'm sure he thought that since he still loved them, when he felt like it they could just pick it up again. Now that he misses them, he is finding out, that isn't the case. The child that is his child often resists him, the child that is his loves his brothers, saw their pain, and changed how he saw his dad, just like the other 2 boys.

He has begun to see the boys again, letting them know he loves them and misses them. They speak to him a little bit, but they don't trust him. They don't say they love him, they don't say they miss him, and they don't forget what he's done to them. I do nothing, I let them lead me through this and what they want. I support my children and what they choose.

So, the truth is, that we are in charge of our own happiness. Our choices are something we own, our reality belongs to us. May you all be happy today!