When Did We Get So Cold?

I was n Facebook yesterday, and one of the news channels from home had posted a story out of North Carolina. It was short, and pretty much said that a couple was arrested on abuse charges because when police showed up to their home responding to a call that there was a dead man in the home, the found that the house contained dirty dishes, dirty laundry, food on the floor and a plumbing leak in the bathroom, and there was a 62 year old man dead in the home. So a 25 year old woman, and a 30 something year old man were arrested, and 5 children ranging from 9 months to 13 years had been placed with child services temporarily.

How many of you have more than 3 children?

I do!!! I have SIX!!

Ok, so what the story doesn't say, how long was the dead man there? Since they had notified the police, I'm supposing he wasn't dead that long. It doesn't say how he is related, or how he died. It doesn't say the children were taken by child services because child services deemed the home unfit. Since both parents were arrested, that could have been why the children went where they did.

So I step back, these people were probably overwhelmed, my guess is they also have a few toddlers going on. Toddlers throw food EVERYWHERE. It doesn't say old food, moldy food, things have been there for weeks. I have 3 boys and myself in my home every day, want to hear my weekly dirty laundry load?? 2 big hampers, and at least 1 full sized basket, EVERY WEEK. When all 6 are here, DOUBLE that. Every week. That is a crap ton of dirty laundry. From dinner last night (pizza and ice cream) A sink FULL of dirty dishes, from 1 meal, for 4 people. Again when all 6 kids are here, its doubled.

Police make snap judgments and let the judge figure it out. Did you know I was arrested before? For defending myself? Yep, so in my case too, both parents were arrested. My children never went to child services. The officer that arrested me allowed me to feed my children and waited almost 2 hours to officially arrest me so that my cousin and my Aunt could come get the boys. He didn't have to do that though. He could have called child services and they could have come and taken my boys while I was going to jail. My charges didn't stick by the way, the prosecutor is a smart man, and since the fool had a rap sheet for beating me, it wasn't hard to figure things out. Doesn't matter though. It doesn't change the fact that it could have went a totally different way.

It seems to me that people have lost their compassion. They judge based on knowing little bits and pieces. They do it all the time. It's nice pretending that your life, and everything you do is perfect and wonderful, and that you are above anyone else. Parenting isn't a perfect art, and not everyone has the energy running around and keeping a pristine house. Some people don't have a washer and dryer, and they get *Oh Lord help us!* DIRTY LAUNDRY. Sometimes you get busy, and don't have time to do dishes for a day, and you don't maybe so much know what it's like to have a sick parent to add to the mix. When my dad wasn't doing well, I only had 2 children, and still the normal things you do go to the wayside. I was 25 when my dad passed away. I was 22 when he moved in with me, I had to watch him like a damn hawk. His health was failing, he was depressed, and slightly suicidal. I had to cut my dads food for him, because once I gave him a steak knife and he cut the fuck out of himself.

Ok so I have lived a life and witnessed some stuff. My house has been dirty, I have had dirty dishes, and dirty laundry, and too much on my plate. I have lost my balance in life before, I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE!  Again, I had 2 children, not 5, and it was like the world fell in on me.

I hate when I see people just sit on their little soap boxes proclaiming how those people are sick, and they don't deserve children, and how horrible they are. Do you know them? Do you truly know their situation? DO you have the ability to be compassionate? Do you understand that even though those people hit a bump, the reality is they are just as good as you are? Can you for a second consider the pain their mother must be in? HER CHILDREN WERE JUST TAKEN AWAY!

Not everyone is so lucky to have an easy life. Personally, my life has been rough. I have compassion for people, I can understand how things can get messed up. The article here  points out that a little cleaning was needed, it didn't say the home was filthy and unlivable, it doesn't say the children had been beaten, or that they weren't cared for. It doesn't say they had been living in a home with a dead body for days, or weeks ... for all you know the old man had simply committed suicide or died of natural causes right before the police were called.

Obviously there aren't any Christians among the people and their hate filled comments. They can't understand that no one is less than they are. It breaks my heart to see so many people cast their stones at those suffering. I wonder how often others have cast their stones at them.

I leave with disgust.

Happy Holidays.

The Truth Is ...

I am having a really bad day. So much guilt ... but not deserved guilt. I have done NOTHING wrong.

I can't fill in every tiny detail, so let me out line a few things.

1. Post Ian break up, I found out what a truly terrible person he is. I dodged a bullet, but not everyone is so lucky. I've uncovered this web of deeply injured people. My heart twists and aches for them. I don't know them personally, I haven't gone to see them, and the reality is, I may never see them either. I still feel this over whelming sense of responsibility. I don't know why, maybe because I believed a mountain of lies, maybe because I know how hurt they are, maybe because if I'd known the truth, I could have done something. I know I did what I could with what I had at the time, but my heart knows I could have done more.

2. The MONSTER has filed court action against me. Contempt. WHY? Because I used presidents day, my holiday as so stated in Indiana Guidelines. Washy attends a preschool as a student of our school district. His schooling is dictated by the district, it's paid for by them, he is transported by them, and he follows the districts school schedule. The ex decided that HE gets to dictate the school schedule, the ex who has no custody rights. I filed my own contempt motions in return, motions that are actually contempts, and filed a motion to modify visitation. I am sick and tired of his petty little games, he needs micro managed, and I don't have time for it. I'm not going to be drug into court because he doesn't like the guidelines. My answer, KILL THE GUIDELINE PARENTING TIME. He doesn't use them anyway. He hung himself in filing that contempt, the judge, after receiving all of my motions, is none too happy. Honestly, neither am I.

3. I am fully dependent on God to get through everything. Yes, that's what you are supposed to do, but right now, I'm not supporting my own weight at all. I have no control over anything that gets to me. It's not a great feeling, especially since I have become freed. I feel awkward, though I can't do anything but hang in there. Know why people drink? These situations! No, I'm not drinking, I don't like alcohol, but I completely understand why some people do!! Yikes!

Life is tough right now. Still I see some good things. I have some good friends to lean on, I have a great church, and some pretty close church family. I'm trying to keep my own family out of my current mess, we have some family matters going on, and as a family we need to focus on those things. I want to make clear that my problems are NOTHING when compared to the problems we are facing as a family. TWO of my nieces have things going on, I love those girls, more than I love myself I love them. I would give everything I have to make their situations go away. I can't though, it wouldn't help, so I'm praying for them and cheering them on, because I can do that.

My boys are doing great, my big kids are doing great, my ex husband and his wife and their ity bity baby are doing great. In some instances I am blessed. I hold on to the blessings I have, because they are the rainbow in my storm. God himself is holding my head above water, and I know it's the best I can ask for today.

I have started taking my 5htp again. For those who don't know, it's a natural supplement for depression. I feel myself slipping, and until I'm level again, it's back on the pills and back into the counseling! I refuse to live sadly! I must smile, I must rise, I must continue living my life, and no situation is worth suffering. As for the rest, I know God has it, and God will deal with everything.

Happy Holidays!!