let the kids GO TO SCHOOL!

I don't know where any of you live, but where I live the kids have all gone to school, about one day a week, since Christmas break ended. My little one misses a full day of school if there's a 2 hour delay. So, due to snow, freezing temps, and flooding, much school has been missed. I don't think this district realizes what they are doing to the parents, it's borderline abuse.

I can voice write my blog and that's awesome just wonder what kind of typos it's going to make. 

The Kindle I have artwork really like are the word willingness I just go to see the words dumb shit always comes out of my mouth so you just you just don't know what you going to get a wonderful insert commas can you tell by the infliction of my voice and I'm asking a question that shall interest

What the fuck is that shit? It doesn't even make any sense. That would work if I wanted to make my blog one giant run-on fucking sentence. The punctuation is missing, half the words are fucking wrong, I'm going to leave it like that because it's funny anyway. 

Look I can have pictures too ...

Half duck lips. 

Okay so the truth is, I got the new blogger app for my freaking iPhone and now everybody just has to deal with my shit until I'm done playing with it. 

Here's a picture of my puppies, they are going to move out soon, and I can't wait for them to be gone. They are really noisy and leave little poop turds wherever they go. 

Okay and one more picture and then I'm going to be done ... 

Piggy bank ass. 

That is all. 

Gross, it looks like steak tar tar down there ....

Though I don't usually say much ... scratch that.

I always say stuff, but the stuff I'm about to say .. is self important.

First, my entire family was supposed to stop smoking this month. I'd planned to quit slowly, and ended up quitting cold turkey sandwich in December. Gained like 20 pounds in the last few months, now  on a diet, I could complain all day about how I'd kill a man for a donut, but I won't talk about that right now ....

The point is, everyone should be quit right now, but they're still smoking, and only I quit! Sure, it's "healthier" but I enjoyed a cigarette with my coffee. I like not having to go to the gas station daily, and not running out of cigarettes at bad times, and having the extra money better though. I'm not "saving" money not smoking though, I do however have money to buy things like Swiss rolls, and energy drinks.

Did you know monster makes a coffee energy drink? I'm in love with it. Coffee, after all, is the original energy drink. I'm also a coffee addict. It's not a problem though, I can quit anytime I want, I just think it's better if I don't quit, quitting is for losers!

Did you see that? Up there, where I just bam change topics. Remember what I said about my college English professor, I'm pretty sure that's what he's talking about. Oops I did it again!

It's fun to read though right? Does it keep your attention be cause it's interesting, or do I have your mind freaked?

Also, my job has me working first shift, so I've not had much blogging time, I haven't had any. I do have a "funny moment of the week" though. I was at a table with 3 coworkers, all women, talking like we are men or something, and one says, "I never use toilet paper." I stopped what I was doing, and looked at her, and soon I felt the disgust on my face, so king into me, I was giving her the world's nastiest look! Had how I was looking not taken over, the conversation wouldn't have slipped into slow motion, and the rest of her statement "I use feminine wipes" would have followed normally. My look, and the rest of her statement sunk in, and I laughed so hard I could hardly remain standing.

Take care cotton balls!

and a little ity bity little drip of faygo

So today I introduced my 3 little boys to a food that I just recently met, for this post we shall call it sushi.

I love California rolls, with crab, cucumbers, and avocado. And that Wasabi sauce that accidentally touches your fork and turns your bite of sushi into a 4 alarm fire in your mouth. That bite that makes you spit sushi across the table, gasping for air, while everyone stops what they're doing to stare at you wondering what just happened.

Jay completely rejects the idea of eating sushi, so ok fine, picky eaters anyway right. Jam and Washy, they're foodies, they'll eat ANYTHING! Then, I give them each a plate, lobster egg roll, and 2 pieces of sushi. 

I've never seen food fly out of those mouths so fast in my life! Jam who ate 3 worms at the beach last summer yelled "it's so nasty!"

We also each had a bottle of faygo. The cashier looked at me funny as I sat the 4 bottles on the belt, white girl rapping "Send your momma straight up to the store, tell that bitch bring home a faygo" ... why he needs to look at me funny? Don't you people know faygo is nothing without ICP? Ok, so maybe my choice of rapping music wasn't fitting of a mom with 3 kids in tote, but it IS the faygo song!

Don't judge, this is mild, very very mild. 

Don't readif the f bomb bugs you .. my dog has issues

My dog had a litter of 10 puppies in January, since then our owner/pet relationship has drastically changed. I was up last night from 3 am until about 5 am because of my dogs poor parenting. I was so angry, and tired, however she's a dog, I know she doesn't understand what MY problem is. I noiw share with you, a letter I wrote my dog ...

An angry letter to my dog:

Dear Brittany,
It really pissed me off that you won't lay the fuck down and feed your puppies in the middle of the fucking night. 10 puppies barking, whining, and making sucking noises trying to beg their selfish bitch mother for food is Damn annoying and wakes me up. It pisses me off even more when I get up and make them a bowl of milk replacer and the second I set it down you trot your Ass over to drink it. Bitch you have food and water in the kitchen, you want milk replacer give the babies milk from the tap, otherwise stay the fuck out of it, it's not for you, whore dog.

Every time I get woke up at 4 am because of you, I think about keeping the puppies and getting rid of you. You're a terrible mother. Do I starve your bitch Ass? Do you have to whine and beg for food? When you're trying to eat do I knock your hairy Ass out of the way and eat your food? Rude Ass bitch.

You will have not a single Damn treat today, and not even a sniff of a raw hide for a week. Maybe next time you'll think before you act like a complete bitch again and try starving your puppies in the middle of the night.

If you were a person, I'd punch your face off.

Enjoy the rest of your middle of the night.

That one chick that feeds you.

Shut up! Rediculousness is on ....

"In fact, if you throw an egg at the wall, it will break and go every where. I know this, for a fact." Jay 

"How do you know that anyway?" Jam

"Let's go see what mommy is doing, if she is sleeping I'll show you." Jay

My children, they're plotting. I had a literal split second to decide what yo do. I did the most reasonable, threw my head back and pretended to be sleeping. They walk down the hall and stop at the entrance to the living room, where I'm clearly sleeping....

"Mommy are you awake?" Jam

I stay still, these little terrorizers are planning on egging my kitchen, I'm busting them out! 

"She's sleeping Jay!" Jam

"Ok shut up, you always wake her up." Jay

"Nu uh you do." Jam

"I'm going to throw your Valentine's away." Jay

"Remember how mad I get when you take stuff from me." Jam

This banter continues for like a hundred years,  I get annoyed, and I pop my head up and say, "stop arguing and go play!" They turn around and start walking down the hall ... Jay says "See you ALWAYS wake her up!" 

Angry for the wrong reasons

Ok, for anyone to understand anything I talk about (relating to my family) you have to know a few things. 1. My mother and my Aunt Mary are identical twins (I know, I don't know what God was thinking either). 2. My family is multiracial. I'm white, my cousin Bobbie, my Aunt Mary's daughter, is native American brown. We also have Mexican, Philippine, black, Asian, etc.

Due to our difference in hue, a lot of people can't accept that Bobbie and I are related, we share half a strand of DNA for the love of God! Years ago, it was shortly after Kroger began using the Kroger plus card, I had come to Indiana to visit Mary and Bobbie. We'd went to the store, Bobbie bought stuff and so did I, however the Kroger in Findlay Ohio wasn't using the plus card yet, but the Kroger in Plymouth Indiana was. When it came time to pay, I asked Bobbie for her card, the cashier goes NUTS! You have to be related to use her card! I said "we're cousins." She said "no you aren't!" I said "is this because I'm white?" Bobbie said "brooke let it go." Literally years have passed, we still talk about that day at Kroger, and that cashier, and we LAUGH. Why? Because it's funny, that's why.

Know what's not funny, at least not to Bobbie (I still laugh when it happens, and it happens a lot) calling a native American a Mexican (or any racial slur meaning Mexican). Bobbie used to be the gm of long John silver's, we both by the way hate fish, a customer in the drive through mistakenly called Bobbie a spic. There is only one thing you can do when you're met with racial slurs, and that's get down with racial stereotypes. Bobbie stops what she's doing, starts booty dancing, and begins to (woo woo woo woo) stops and says "I'm an Indian, get it! Lol!!!!!!!! It was the funniest shit I've ever seen, no really it was that good.

She works as a manager at a burger king now. Racist people eat there too, asking her if she realized this isn't taco bell, and others trying to order tacos. She's not the boss of everyone anymore, so she fakes a laugh and urges them to order their fucking burger.

This is not limited to anyone by the way, Hispanic people make fun of her for not speaking Spanish! It's lose lose for Bobbie ... white people tease her for not serving tacos, Hispanics tease her for not speaking Spanish, and she's like the last Indian in the United States, or at least Indiana.

When I told her about this blog, she said I have a right to get mad damn it! I said oh yea, but do you know what that right is? Lol! And this by the way, was a hilarious conversation. Then I informed her that in the future ill blog about Noah, that blog will be titled secret Asian man. Hmm, I wonder why that is?

To be continued ......

Start a blog they said ...

Well, I certainly am not a natural born blogger. My writing, as my English 101 professor would gladly tell you, lacks structure, gets off topic quickly, and becomes a mix that leaves a brain spinning.

I'm a single mom, my choice, not forced. I'm 17 years old, want proof? Ask my 5 year old. I may have mislead him, want the truth? Ask my mother. Who is she? Well that's easy, her name is mom, she lives at moms, and I must be kind of like her because my children often call me her name too.

I'm not a hippy mom, I'm not cool, I'm 195% embarrassing to my children. I like to let them be who they are, express themselves as they would like, and speak their feelings and opinions. This has tons of limits when they actually have feelings (beyond basic happy, sad, mad, hungry, and I have to poop) and opinions.

I have dogs, 11 of them. Cats smell, and I believe the world has enough lonely old cat ladies, so I decided to change it up. Or my little boston terrier had 10 puppies, you know, which ever is easier to believe.

As a reminder, Valentine's day is coming, single girls don't have Valentine's, and so I'd like to put this out there, I'm accepting any and all chocolate candies, specialty coffees, and diamond jewelry.

I'm hilarious, and I'm not saying that to look awesome. Or maybe I'm really really mean. Either way, people tend to walk away from me hyperventilating and with tears streaming down their faces.

I am sometimes inappropriate. You do not want me to speak at a funeral, and only at weddings if you don't mind random jokes at the wrong times. Such as, I performed a ceremony for a pair of people, whom I feel are special (not just short bus special either, although somewhat possibly) I cracked random jokes, so I wouldn't start crying. Also, clearly I am selfish.

There are things I can't laugh at, that make me angry, that make me gag and sometimes puke in my mouth. I'm not going to give examples because I don't like or enjoy any of the prior.

And that's all.