2014 In Review

Wow!! What a year this has been  ... let me give you a run down of MY year !

January 17, 2014 - My divorce from the monster is finalized! I feel great, I can finally move on with my life, without any more abuse!! The choice for me? MONSTER FREE!!

February 2014 - My sweet little Jam turns 6! He's in kindergarten, and having a REALLY hard time with letter recognition. The school suggests we start him in the reading program, because if he can't recognize the alphabet, he won't be able to read.

March 2014 - The order for Grandparent visitation is terminated, but left as a stipulation because on the day of the hearing to terminate, MONSTER is in jail, per usual. Since he spends so much time as an inmate, the order will stand IF and WHEN he is incarcerated, otherwise the order is dead in the water.

April 2014 - My youngest daughter turns 10, though she acts 20. She looks like me more and more every day!

May 2014 - Monster, angry that he is had on contempt once again, files contempt against me because Indiana Guidelines doesn't give him a visit in May 2014, little does he know, it won't give him a visit in May 2015 either ...

June 2014 - The judge posts 2 court dates. monster purgers himself at the first, and is found in contempt, he is found in contempt at the second date too. No contempt stands against me, as I have followed Indiana Guidelines.

July 2014 - Monster is able to get me confused and takes my July 4th holiday. It's all good though, I will just take his next holiday. My Aunt turned 56 July 23 and though her health isn't the greatest, she seems to be getting better. We have a birthday party for my Aunt, and my oldest daughter, who will turn 12 July 30.

August 2014- Jay stays with my Aunt until the day before school starts, they had a great summer. The night she drops Jay off, she goes home, and then heads to the hospital. She will be there for the last time, we are currently unaware how serious her condition is. She goes into a rehabilitation hospital, where her health will deteriorate. My oldest son turns 16!!

September 2014 - My Aunt can't hold down any food. She vomits anything she can swallow right back up. The original hospital punctured her bowel while draining fluid from her because of her kidney failure. They have caused a massive infection in her blood. She's hanging in there, but in the middle of the night on September 10 her heart rate skyrockets to nearly 200 bpm. I am called at 5:45 AM and ordered to the hospital. I get the boys to the sitter so they can go to school without telling them anything. We decide the children need to come, and so after school, I leave the hospital, I get the kids, taking Jam and Washy to my cousins and dropping them off and return to the hospital with Jay so that he can spend some time with Mare Mare. He is there a few hours before she demands me to take him out. When I return to the room from taking him to the waiting room, she is gasping for air, and telling us she can't breathe. In a few hours, our family will consent to a DNR, we send Jay to my cousins, we stop the medications keeping her alive, and she leaves us, sad, broken, and confused. We will always miss you Mare Mare.

October 2014 - We will begin celebrating our birthdays without our glue, first my cousin and then myself. It's difficult, but we persevere. A little bit older, a whole lot closer, and how did we learn so much???

November 2014 - Jay turns 9 and Washy turns 5. My babies are growing up SO FAST!!! Thanksgiving is  blast, our family has a great day, and though she isn't there, we can feel my Aunt in all of our activities. At the end of the night, we have some down time to remember her.

December 2014 - I am granted sole custody of Joshua after nearly a year of dealing with a mountain of crap from the monster. He loses all. Christmas goes off without a hitch!! It's a wonderful time, with family and framily. The kids get wonderful gifts, and enjoy time with family. We don't have as much fun as we did at Thanksgiving, Christmas without a loved one is always a hard pill to swallow, but we survive.

And now there is today. December 28, 2014. I am so grateful for the last year. I grew, I learned, I grieved, I returned to church, I began a relationship with a great guy that respects me and my boundaries(which is why I have yet to really talk about him OR introduce him to anyone) and life is going forward, full speed head!! It wasn't an easy year, I was tested consistently, but I held it together, kept a smile on my face, and increased in happiness. I look forward to ending this year and beginning the next.

With this I say farewell to 2014, and wait patiently for the new year to come! It can only get better from here!

Love and peace to all who read!!

Meme Time

I have a few meme's to share before I head off to work ....

That's right, my awesome is so loud I can't hear any shit!! 

He does, the meme is proof!!

Chuck Norris says I don't have to! 

That's right! 

Just. Because. I. Can.

Be blessed today! Smile! Laugh! Love! Most importantly, LIVE!! You only have one shot at this life, so do it well! Be happy, don't worry about what others think! God has you in his hands, he has a plan for you! 

xoxoxoxo

Brooke

What A Merry Mess!!

THREE days until Christmas! It's the most wonderful time of the year indeed.

I have thrown away EVERY TOY in my house, we need room for the new stuff. I have hidden 2 tablets for my girls, they don't know they are getting them, even though they beg for tablets all the time. I keep saying, "Your dad said no, he thinks you are too young." He did say that, last year. He knows they are getting them, so he hasn't broken his act.

At least one of my ex husbands isn't a fool!

Oh yea, I have TWO ex husbands. Who knew that? My first husband, we get along, always have, we just didn't do well together. He wanted to buy them ipads. I said NO!!! Let me buy them some cheaper tablets first, you know, to make sure they do well before I let him dump hundreds on ipads for them.

Tomorrow night is going to be fun. We will be watching into the storm on pay per view. I've been dying to see it, so have my girls!! We have to start our baking tomorrow too. I have to stop and get pies, and oh yea, sweet potatoes, on my way home from work. My job doesn't give much time off for a holiday, you get the holiday, and that is it. Not complaining, some people don't even get that.

I'm totally enjoying having my oldest son home for the week. He's a little demanding to the little boys though. Making them preserve his "seat" on the couch, and getting him pudding cups ... in a year, he will be an adult. I hope that as an adult, he still finds time for Mom at Christmas. Is it sad that when facing the reality of children becoming adults, that is my fear?

I've been having an entertaining conversation with Ian all day long. He is simply a patient guy, putting up with me fumbling around and dragging my feet. He never complains either, he just lets me do what I do, and doesn't mind waiting. There isn't a pressure to hurry up, and for me that's perfect, I don't like to feel rushed. He does know he isn't expected to wait around, he is free to move on if he feels like it, but for whatever reason, he doesn't. Maybe he's more of a keeper than I'm aware, time will tell.

Ok my mind is really all too scattered, I can't hold a thought together, all the excitement of the on coming holiday keeps flying through my brain! I can't write!! I hope you each have a great Christmas, and if you have parents, love them! Hug them! Kiss them! Thank them! Enjoy your holiday with them, one day, much like me, you'll spend these holidays without them.

Merry day before, the day before, the day before Christmas!

Why Atheists Celebrate Christmas ...

Alright, so here is the deal. My douche bag ex husband trolls my blog. HELLO JARED! I hope you are enjoying my words. Ass hat.

Next.

Jared posted on facebook, in his normal asshole tone, asking why atheists celebrate Christmas. So Since he trolls here, and is about as knowledgeable as an Atheist when it comes to these things, I'm going to break it down. Based solely on things I know.

Christmas is a commercial holiday. The majority of people celebrate SANTA CLAUSE on Christmas. Not Jesus, not the birth of Christ, but Santa, the jolly fat man with his eight tiny reindeer, and countless elves living in the North Pole. HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS! The majority of CHRISTIANS fall into this category too. Including you, Jared.

The majority of the WORLD POPULATION is not Christian in faith, and yet Christmas is celebrated by the majority anyway. Not the Jew's though, who by the way, are GOD'S chosen people.

No one knows WHEN Jesus was born. Christmas prior to 313 AD (roughly) wasn't celebrated by Christians at all, rather, December 25 was a PAGAN Holiday, celebrating the birth of the unconquered sun. In that time somewhere, Roman Emperor Constantine decides to take December 25 and make it Christmas.

That' just a little historical back drop. You said you don't celebrate Pagan Holidays?? I'm confused.

While you go half cocked, making snide remarks about self centered people, you show your own colors. It's not YOUR God, it's EVERYONE'S God, stop with the ownership crap. You don't OWN anyone, and you certainly don't own GOD. Who are YOU to tell people they don't have any right to celebrate a man made holiday?

"Self centered people make for the worst kind of Christians." YOU said that .. um so you already then are aware of what you are right?

Let me tell you, from God loving perspective, it doesn't matter WHAT you believe. The fact of the matter is, because there is Christ in Christmas, be you to believe or disbelieve, you have to put a little thought into it this time of year. It's enough to plant the seed.

Don't listen to people that are foolish and find it their place to pass judgement on you, to tell you it's "Their" Holiday, for "Their" Savior, it isn't truth, and they don't speak love. They with their hate, are the reason so many stray and never return. Why would anyone want to come and deal with such selfish, uncaring, cold, and mindless?

If it makes you feel better, Mr. Christian better than the atheist, engages regularly in adultery. He enjoys married women. God doesn't. God doesn't like a lot of what the foolish do. He shouldn't celebrate Christmas as his actions are spitting in the face of the Christ who died for him.

May you all celebrate Christmas, and may no one put you down before it. If it's the only time of year that Christ lovingly comes from your mouth, you are blessed by it.

I hope you enjoy this blog post Jared. You sound as stable as you appear in reality, and only an absent minded fool would agree with your shameful spouting. Find God sir, worry not about others for you are none better.

PEACE!!!  

Peace!

Major changes have occurred in the last 24 hours. I now have SOLE LEGAL AND PHYSICAL CUSTODY of Washy. Good news for my boy, finally control has been removed from his father.

I'm a little sad though, I admit. I wanted wonderful things for my son. Wouldn't it be great if his father was interested in being a parent? Sadly, that isn't the case. He made so many excuses in court, the divorce was finalized 11 months ago, we have been separated for nearly 3 years, yet he called this "still fresh". No, it is NOT  something new, this is old stuff. If it's so "fresh" for him, why is he dating a married woman? Why is he insisting on taking my son around a married woman? Why does he pawn his child off on other people during his 4 days a month? Why such a lack of interest in parenting?

None the less, I have been awarded what I requested. Everyone is happy, short of ex, as he has lost control. What he fails to realize, is that he has lost control. His thought is "not during MY time." I make Washy's decisions, all of them. Yes, he gets his 4 days a month, but he has to respect and follow my decisions. Everything major to my sons life, school, doctors, religion, moral, emotional, upbringing, all my choice. He already protests my decisions, I don't care though, he doesn't have a voice in these matters anymore.

More changes are coming, Indiana Guidelines are no longer appropriate, and constant relocation and instability has been repeatedly demonstrated by the ex husband. As has aggressiveness and improper treatment of the 5 year old child.

I don't mind over nights, but no more than 4 a month should be necessary, I figure we can share holidays with me taking the first half and him getting an extra over night. The attorney will address the issue of him hiding the location of the child, leaving him with random people so dad can go to the bar, and refusing to provide proof that he has the child upon request.  She will also raise the issue that IPG grants visitation from 6 pm Friday to 6 pm Sunday, ex isn't available at 6 pm Friday, so I should NOT have to take Joshua, my other 2 children and myself out late at night to give ex his time. Not to mention that 9 or 10 at night is well past everyone's bed time. The fact that is was he choice to move far, it should have NEVER become my problem, more so since he moves EVERY 4 MONTHS ... give or take a few weeks.

It's never ending with this fool. Now, however, I have peace. He has zero control. He has to follow the rules. His church, which is a different religion than what we practice, will be receiving a call to let them know that Joshua is not allowed to attend. He needs to attend a church equal to his religion. I may make that phone call tomorrow, and clear this air quickly. I make religious choices. When a parent cannot control themselves, and is constantly abusive, this is the result.

I have had a revelation, I used to be non denominational Christian, prior to that, I was Lutheran,born and raised. I have always felt something missing though. There HAD to be more. Not everything could have happened in Jerusalem, and surrounding areas. What about the rest of the world? Indian's believed in God .. how would they know if they were here and everything happened there? I have decided, based on my own mind, my own faith, my own belief, the answer lies in the Mormon beliefs. There was more, things were happening here. Logical, and I have full faith. Now I'm not saying I agree with every little thing, some things I'm still unsure of. I think though, that I have found my place.

I just want to share, because for me, seeing kindness at its best, is a great thing. I see love, compassion, understanding, acceptance ... so much more than I have seen anywhere else. For the most part .. they simply follow Jesus. I like that. It makes me happy. It feels more realistic to me. I don't have to be frowned upon, I don't have to feel judged, I can act with grace, I can put my best foot forward. I feel freed.

I'm going to go now ... I feel like I should be doing something.

Be Blessed!

A Letter To My Niece.

Dear Butter Cup,

The day your Mom told me that I was expecting to become an Aunt, my entire world changed. I cried more than I care to admit. I was just so happy! I couldn't wait for you to come! I wanted a NIECE!! I prayed for a niece so much, and so hard, that a few months later I found out I was going to be a mom again, and I knew I would have a daughter AND a niece very close together.

My prayers were answered, one by one. In May a niece, in July a daughter.

The day you were born, I was huge, but still felt like I was walking on clouds. I looked at your sweet face and I fell in love, for the very first time, with the idea that there was a beautiful little girl, that I would one day give a crap ton of candy to, and not have to deal with the consequences of my actions.

I watched you grow, and watched my sister out do me at parenting sometimes. Don't let her know I told you that little part, it would give her an ego.

Your first word was Alex. Yep, your nearly 4 year old cousin. You loved him so much! He equally loved you. You guys were outside, and you were playing on your riding toy when you said it. My eyes still fill when I think about it.

I moved far away, and I miss you every day I don't see you. You have no idea how much I love you. I get so excited thinking about our visits. I love hearing from you!

I know, right now, life is hard for you. We love you though. No matter how badly you feel, even when we seem over bearing,  and get on your nerves. We need you in our lives, you sweet girl, are someone that can never be replaced. No one matters as much as you do.

You have grown into a beautiful girl, and at almost 13 are what I consider the PERFECT Niece. Everything I ever dreamed of times infinity. You're so smart, and so talented, and are just amazing. I brag about you to my Aunt friends, my niece has the voice of an angel and a face to match! They're all jealous because their nieces aren't as good as mine. *wink*

The only thing I want you to understand is that I understand life is hard. It's temporary though sweetie, things will get better. Everything that is swimming around your mind, it won't last forever. It isn't your fault, you can't help how you feel, but one day, not so far from now, you're going to feel happy again. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week, but believe me you will.

I'm worried about you, your mom is worried about you, and everyone who loves you is worried. We worry because we care. We want to help you. We want you to know and feel our love for you.

Christmas is coming!! I'm going to see you soon. As always I cannot wait! I just want to hug the head right off your body!

You can call me, your mom will let you use her phone to. I am ALWAYS here for you, distance and time never matter. I will drop anything I am doing if you need me, and please need me instead of allowing your feelings to control you!! I LOVE YOU!! I NEVER EVER IN MY LIFETIME WANT TO LIVE A DAY WITHOUT YOU! Please never give up.

Love and Hugs and Kisses!!!

Auntie Brooke

In The Mood For CHRISTMAS!

Christmas is quickly approaching!! Yay! I am SO READY!

The majority of my shopping is DONE! Between now and then, I'm sure the children will accumulate a few smaller gifts, but for the most part, I am ready!!

My girls are going to STOP COMPLAINING ...

Then my Oldest son is going to shoot stuff ... 

And the 6 year old will be with him ....

All while my 5 year old scoots around ... 

The 9 year old also got an air soft gun, but I didn't order it online, and didn't take a picture ... so yea. 

These are the special gifts I got them this year, the gifts I'm most excited about. I cannot wait to take the boys out to fire off their new guns! 

The boys are busy watching Rudolph's shiny new year on TV, it's also recording on the dvr. I have chicken in the oven baking, so dinner is preparing. I'm completely exhausted, but it's not even 5:30 so I have a while before bed time.

With all the boys getting guns for Christmas, I decided to buy one for "me" so I can teach them how these things should be used BEFORE they rip open guns that fire pellets, and avoid the great Christmas shoot out of 2014. 

I've already let them fire off a few rounds .. shooting at the poor unsuspecting tree out in our yard. The tree doesn't seem to mind having the pellets smack into it. 

My house is currently a mess. Tomorrow, I can't go out doing things after work, I need to come clean up the house in my 3 kid free hours. Luckily, it doesn't take long to clean my house, even when the toys are EVERYWHERE!! 

The coming weekend activities include Sugar cookies and pumpkin rolls! YUM YUM!! It's going to be a good weekend for my littles and I!! 

Guess I better wrap this one up, too much to do and not little time! May you all be feeling the spirit of the holidays!