ECHO ECHo ECho Echo echo ....

I am sorry, I have been neglecting my blog. A lot has been going on. Still, I'm just going to focus on today.

It was a busy one! Work was ... work. I love my job ... but if one more NASTY BITCH throws a bloody ass pad in front of the toilet, I just might FUCKING SNAP! :)

I had my consult with the oral surgeon. I will have surgery February 12 at 9:30 AM. They are going to put me out, I thanked him kindly! I have 2 teeth that will need to be surgically removed. I fear nothing! Except for 2 teeth being surgically removed. I mean, with all the available technology, can't they just wave a magic wand and wish them out?????

I joined the biggest loser contest at work. Today was the first weigh in ... I weighed DAYUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! It is all good though, I'm hoping by the end I way LOOK THE FUCK OUT!!

I'm taking this contest super seriously. I want to win. Plus, let's face it, I could stand to lose some weight. I have 6 sodas hidden in my room. I'm going to let them stay there, and use them for my special treats. If I don't eat the 3 boxes of samoas I have, and the other 6 boxes I have coming, all in one sitting, I will have one soda on Friday night. Soda is my vice! I LOVE SODA! BRING ON THE PEPSI!! I did pretty good today, I did not eat any samoas, but I sadly watched as my children at them in front of me. MMMM girl scout cookies!

I had a piece of chicken, a salad, and a bottle of dasani for dinner. The reality is, I don't enjoy food anyway. I like girl scout cookies, but I'm never really hungry. My appetite has seemingly died since Friday.

Oh I so did not want to talk about this, but I feel that maybe I should. Realistically, my heart is hurt greatly.

As you all know, I have this boyfriend. He is WONDERFUL! I do love him. However, there is a problem. He is battling some pretty serious depression. I wasn't aware, like at all. The weekend though, he let it out. Not just by telling me that he's medicated, but he me inside his thoughts, and they are terrifying. By the end of the weekend, I was an emotional mess. I did what I could while he was here.

He was supposed to move in, but he decided he couldn't do it. Which, is fine. I don't mind. He spent HOURS on the phone with his child's mother, his ex. Arguing. He lied, over and over. "I'm not with anyone, I'm alone!" Uh, yea, I was literally 6 feet from him. I do not see a reason for him to lie to her. They aren't together, she is with someone else, she's actually in the process of moving in with the guy ....

AHHHHH!

So, when things calmed down, I told him that it is clear he is not over her, and I am not sure what business I have being any part of his life. I just don't.

While all this is going on, I'm not happy, and bracing myself to just end this, and he gets upset, he crumbles. I stay my normal self, outside I'm a rock, inside I'm dying.

I knew a new relationship would be hard, but like this hard? I don't know if it's normal, but it's nearly impossible to cope with. I question my ability to have a relationship. Is it me? I have so many things to think about.

On top of that, he's in a bit of legal trouble. Nothing serious, just poor choices. Still, it's aggravating. There is just so much going on. I don't know, I just don't know. It's a struggle. I guess I will kick back and see what happens. It's difficult.

Now, it's late, and I'm tired, and emotionally exhausted.

Happy Holidays!