It's not easy for me to walk into a relationship, and the reason for that is because it is so difficult for me to let go. I'm the one that will hold on to the end of the rope, and go as far as lying to myself to climb back up it. That's why I was with the abusive ex for so long. I could lie my ass off to MYSELF, convince MYSELF it was best to stay and that I could do better and make this asshole happy.
I have wanted nothing more than to spend my life with only ONE person. So clearly, that was shot down long ago. I had to figure out my own stuff, I had to learn about myself. I did that, and then Ian came along.
It wasn't love at first sight. It was " I wonder how long it's going to be before he chews me up and spits me out" time. To my amazement, he's done neither. He's kind, respectful, and just absolutely wonderful to me.
I let him meet my boys, and they LOVE him. He entertains their tough boy side. I am a mother, and as a mother I do a brilliant job, but rough housing is not something I do, nor allow them to do. As boys they CRAVE rough housing. Last night, as I sat biting my tongue, and keeping my mouth shut ....
That was by the way, when they were SUPPOSED to be going to bed! Still I let them have their fun time, even though the mom brain was sending the "It's time to go to bed, knock it off" impulse.
I thought the boys would have a hard time accepting a man, especially after all they have gone through. It didn't go as I thought, even Washy was happy. He's my little mommy's boy, he's not supposed to WANT to, or be ok with sharing his mommy!! Am I right or what?
Still they got up this morning, "Where's Ian?" Uh, at his house! They genuinely like him. Not because they think I want them to, it really has zero to do with me. They like him because he is nice to them, and they have fun with him!
I feel like I am at a great place in life. Things are good.
Seasons Greetings! (That's my new thing, why should it end at Christmas??)
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